Home » poetry » I am…not that into me, either

I am…not that into me, either

I am Van Gogh’s emasculated ear

Severed to diminish feeling I died before I became real

Comprised of stories no one wants to hear

And rendered out of print, like an old fashioned picture book

Disproportionate in words and imagery

When I speak, the herd turns its heedless back

I blame them not, for my voice sounds sweeter when gagged

By those who hear only sounds

Transcribed by waves that are fluid, loud and clear

Shedding emotions, like translucent onion peel

I try to moo aloud

But no one answers back

Thus, as I sit alone in a crowd of crushing pain and fear

I raise my hands to my head

But find that it has disappeared

This poem was inspired by circumstances I experienced only yesterday. I joined a writers group because I wanted to improve my writing. But, when I sat passively listening to the group’s critique of one of my poems, I realised that I perceived my writing as not a projection of my consciousness, but as myself in a textual form. Thus, whilst I fully accepted, even welcomed, feedback about my use of language and how engaging they found the poem, I felt crushed when the critique disintegrated into an attack on the ideology and thought processes behind the poem. In a sudden revelatory flash, I realised that it matters not whether my writing is, “good” or, “bad.” I write for myself and if other people like it, I am blessed. To what extent the critique constituted a personal attack on me, I do not know. But, it saddens me to think a group formed to encourage people to write, should conduct itself in such a manner. If this situation had happened to some one else, I would have felt the same. I shall not go back to the group, but I shall always write.


4 thoughts on “I am…not that into me, either

  1. I came back to read this one and thought about how you write primarily for yourself rather than for others. I do similar, with the audience coming second, and I think that makes for a genuine voice in writing.

    • Interesting observation, Christy. For me, authenticity is paramount. This means that readers may not always, “get,” my work and could make me less popular than writers who write to please. But, I believe that readers can easily detect fakery and I would rather be a bad writer who remained true to herself than someone who writes simply to be popular or rich. Thank you for commenting. It is good to connect with you!

  2. Always write for yourself it will serve you better than anyone’s opinions, especially than the opinions of people who don’t enrich your life.
    Keeping an encouraging, inspiring attitude in a world of critique and negativity is an achievement x

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