
A Yuletide Carol by Chris Courtney Martin

The “pagan-demonic” mishegoss is OLD HAT!
Older than that white man with white hair
And even whiter politics around home security
And guest etiquette
It’s cold enough
Or not cold enough
Depending on which coast happens to be depressing you
Around the time the Salvation Army starts
Ringing those DAMNED BELLS
Pleading that we feed the poor and hate the gays
Metallic sounds, metallic-paper-covered boxes
It’s abrasive enough
Or not abrasive enough
Depending on how long it’s been since your
Problematic Auntie™ cracked into the Kraken
And how ready you have been to
Peace-On-Earth OUT of this shitshow
Doesn’t lying on Christ’s (belated) birthday feel even a little bit shameful?
Anybody?
Especially to children who are confused enough by pre-roadkill Frank the Rabbit on His
Happy UnDeath Day
Yes.
I am EXACTLY this fun at parties.
And at church.
So, while you ALL-CAPS
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